Saturday, August 15, 2009

Hello again


I think I'm updating so much because there's so much I want to say, and the computer is so available now. But I was on facebook and I thought I would upload some pictures, some of the ones I have at least. I knew that I would probably get some dumb comments (being completely honest here) which would upset me because I have around 500 friends most of who I don't even interact with. But that's it. I need to share these experiences, these stories with those people I don't interact with. The people who read this blog are people who already support me and I love sharing stories with you guys. But because you're already my support, it's so much easier to tell my story. I can't just play it safe and hide in this bubble to avoid questions I don't particularly feel inclined to answer. I think this is a great opportunity to reach out to those who don't know Christ. It's funny because I've learned so much about myself in Africa. But the one thing that's really sticking to me is that I'm a very open person. If I'm happy, you can see me dancing, even in the lunch line, to the music in my head. But if i'm upset, I'll say it, and if I don't say it verbally, I'll say it with my face. And if shallow comments are what I get, then I'm happy because its a start and at least their looking through the photos, maybe they'll hear the stories next. I'm completely okay peoples' superficiality leads to genuine interest which leads to God, and maybe even serving in Africa.

I wrote this note on facebook: All the animals I didn't see :)


SO, i knew coming home that I would have to answer a lot of questions, questions I don't know and may not ever know how to answer, questions I don't want to answer, questions I want to answer but won't get asked, questions that are going to annoy, hurt, and frustrate me, questions that are going to make me question: really? you're seriously asking me that?, questions that are going to make me lose hope in humanity, realize how small some people's worlds are, and how little people are wilIling to see I just didn't expect it to all happen so soon, which makes me want to close myself in and not answer anything.

But know I can't do that because I do want to share my experience with those who genuinely care and want to know. I don't want my frustration to these questions to compromise answers for the questions that will surprise me at how interested some people are, and though they have only seen little, they are willing to see more, questions that give me a sigh of relief, assuring me that there is hope, questions that will allow me to spark more questions, and questions I actually want to answer. So here are a list of answers that some people have already asked or will ask and I'd like to share it with everyone. Some might see this as a little harsh, but I've come to learn that I'm a very open person. I'm open not because I want you to see it all (why i'm sad, happy, annoyed), but because I want you to understand why I'm those things, the reason behind.

1. I didn't see any cool exotic African animals (lions, giraffes, zebras, leopards, rhinos). I did get to see crocodiles at the lagoon cruise at Lake Malawi (I even touched a baby croc!) But mostly I saw goats, donkeys, cows, chickens, dogs, a dead snake, a zebra carpet at the Joberg airport, heard hyenas, heard a hippo.

2. As you can see in my pictures, I did not come back "with black skin" nor did I get aids.

3. It was winter in Africa, which was still pretty hot, but not as hot as it would be

4. The Malawians speak Chichewa, not clicks. I've decided to use Chichewa as much as possible here in the states. So far, I've been calling my dogs and my brother "Iwe" (Hey you). I'll probably make a list of words you can learn.

5. I actually saw quite a few benz's, lexus's, and beamers, flat screens. My point is, not everyone was starving or dying or has aids. The ironic thing which upsets me is that while some people live in privilege, their neighbors can live in poverty. I can have a whole discussion about this so ask me

6. African sunrises and sunsets are amazing. But I really think that sunrises and sets are amazing no matter where you are, you just need to take the time to appreciate them

7. I didn't live in the huts in the village, though I would like to experience that some day. We lived in the COTN compounds. Not exactly America, but we had running water and electricity. Of course those would go out at times, but it didn't matter. It was very nice. The Chiwengo interns however didn't have running water so they had to pump buckets of water everyday at the borho (water pump) and ration that out.(Another discussion topic)

8. Nsima is the African staple food. It's made of ufa (flour) and made into a thick paste. You eat it with beans and some type of relish. You eat it with your hands (like Indian food!) and I come to like it alot. Our amazing cooks would prepare that for us a couple times a week. Most of the time we ate foods like oatmeal, bananas, pancakes, toast, PBJ (I think I've eaten more PBJ those 2 months in Africa than I have my whole life here in America), it was carbular, rice, chicken, sometimes we had chambo (fish from the lake), fajitas (the best!), salads, we had bbqs every Friday night

9. It's really true that all Malawians know and love to sing and dance. It doesn't matter the age. Put them in a group and you have an 8 part harmonied acapella

10. It wasn't physically hard for me to live in Africa, it was emotionally hard.

11. yea, there were lots of bugs, and lots of dirt. You're never really clean, but it doesn't really matter.

12. I don't know who had AIDS, there wasn't really a visible way to tell and it doesn't matter. I held so many hands, a lot of them I'm sure, of those who have AIDS, but a lot of them who don't. Either way, every child I to
uched has gone through and overcome something, not necessarily a disease, but an experience, a memory, a feeling. So often, we disregard emotional pain. We undermine it because we can't see it. But when someone is hurt emotionally, the same part of the brain triggers as when someone is being hurt physically. It hurts the same, and most often, even more because the feelings are usually suppressed or abandoned.

13. It's amazing how they can carry everything on their heads. (Huge heavy buckets of water, bundles of 5 ft+ fire wood). It's got to be some gene they have. AND, they carry their babies on their backs while doing so.

Anyways, I'm sure I can add to the list. I want you to know that it's completely okay to ask these questions. Don't feel stupid, I would probably ask some of these. But don't stop at these questions. Keep asking and keep finding out more, not because you feel obligated to ask, but because you genuinely want to know. And if you only want to know how many lions I saw, then fine, I can honestly say that you are shallow. But the reason behind my
unsettleness with some questions is the fact that they don't matter to me. I didn't go to Africa for those reasons. I've learned to not stress about things (not being clean, no electricity, running water, no transportation, even food) because there are people sick, hungry, cold, and hurt. So coming back, it stresses me to see people only caring about those things. And it may not even be that they only care about those things, but that its all they know and they're attempting to find a connection. If that's the case, then I appreciate you so much and don't be discouraged to ask. So be patient with me because I really do want to share my 2 months with you!!!

Love, Angela

I hope this gets the point across? And I hope it came off the right way.

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