Adios!

I'm finally finished with packing! 3 suitcases and one carry-on ! I wanted to put all my clothes in my carry-on because I don't trust the airports. And, with my luck, something's bound to happen. BUT, I trust God. So that's enough!

I don't think I could have packed all this in one day without my mom. She basically packed everything and I just sat there feeling overwhelmed with packing (or not packing). She was the one that made me focus every 5 seconds. I'm so thankful for her :).

Even though I'm bringing so much, I wish I could bring more because there is so much to give. Packing things made me realize how blessed we are to live here, with things basically handed to us on a silver platter. How we take everything for granted, and not just appreciate the simple things.

My friends came to say a final goodbye. It was so nice seeing them even for a little bit. AAH I'll miss you guys so much!! I'll update you guys with my address and stuff ASAP!

Now, I'm just waiting for my dad so we can leave for the airport. I'm excited to give him his Father's Day gift!

OK I HAVE TO GO NOW! BYEEE

I pray that the flight goes well and our luggage doesn't get lost!! And that we'll have patience and flexibility for whatever decides to spring on us!

Love, Love, Love,

Angela

One more day

I finally got everything I need for Africa!! All I have to do now is play Tetris and try to fit it all in :(. I'm really bad at Tetris so I'm not looking forward to this.

These clouds are for real!

I said one last goodbye to San Diego and the Port on

Wednesday. I heard it was supposed to rain that day, but God held the rain for me and gave me the most ridiculously painted sky. I was seriously watching the clouds the whole

time, (though I don't recommend driving and taking pictures). Anyways, I'm going to miss sunny cali but I'm looking forward to the amazing African sunset!

People keep asking me how I'm feeling about Africa. And my answer is always, "I'm not sure", "I feel normal?", "fine". I think its because I'm feeling so many different things that they all become one giant mush. I feel excited, hopeful, blessed, anxious, overwhelmed, nervous, and sometimes a little lost. I guess I'm feeling all of these because I really don't know what to expect. I'm just going to go in with an open mind and open heart and just see what God has planned for me.

I'm really going to miss my family and my friends and my dogs. I'm going to miss my grandma insisting on calling Shaggy "Shazzy" and Puffy "Hoppy". I'm going to miss late night chatting while snacking with my parents. I'm going to miss chocolate.

I'm not looking forward to the long flight. I've never even been off this continent before! AAH, but I'm prepared with tylenol PM and whatever (legal) drugs will do the trick. I'm at a loss for words right now. This blog is incoherent, and so is my mind right now. I just pray that God will fill me with His peace, love, and joy as I go onboard with this mission.

Thank you for all of your support, prayers, and love. I will carry your words of wisdom with me to Africa.

Love, Love, Love,

Angela

Home

I never thought that being home would actually upset me. I love my family, but it's frustrating when you feel like they don't see all the growing you did while in college. It's not their fault, but they treat you like how they last saw you which causes you to fall into this self-fulfilling prophecy. I felt like I was back where I started, at square one. I felt like God stayed back in San Diego and I was here, alone.

So here I was, irritated, confused, lost. I found it exhausting to talk to my family about how much God was working in my life. I thought they just wouldn't get it. I felt enveloped in these negative emotions. But, not once did my parents hold my attitude against me. They showed nothing but even more love, drawing closer every time I tried to push them away. Through their love, I was reminded of God's love, God's presence, God's power. That even though, in my mind, I think He's not here, He actually is. And so through prayer and petition, I was able to finally sit down and share my story with my parents.

I'm reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, and this passage really stuck out to me as it is very applicable to my life. (If you don't know, the Screwtape Letters are letters written by Screwtape, a wise old devil, to his nephew, Wormwood, "a novice demon in charge of securing the damnation of an ordinary young man")

"He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But, He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later, He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It's during such trough periods, much more than during peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creatures He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those that please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with, the better. He cannot 'tempt' to virtue as we do vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand, and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived Wormwood. Our cause is never more dangerous than when a human, no longer desires, but still intending, to do our Enemy's (God's) will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys" --Screwtape Letters (p 40) by C.S. Lewis

Coming home was definitely a challenge I did not expect. But, I think it's so amazing that God continues to guide me. He saved me from relapsing into that old mold. He saved me from apathy.

"though now for a little while, you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith...may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

1 Peter 1:6-9

I really hope that this serves as encouragement for you. God is always here even though it may not seem so. Continue to pray and seek Him because it is prayer at these "trough" times that please Him most and are the most threatening to the enemy. He will help you overcome these trials so long as you put your faith in Him. Through this, you faith will be proved genuine, more precious than gold.

I'm praying for all you interns, and I can't wait to serve with you! 5 more days 'til Malawi!!

Love, Love, Love

Angela

Wedding in Malawi

I was playing (cello) for my pastor's daughter's wedding today and it, like most weddings, was a beautiful ceremony. But the one thing that stuck out to me most was when the pastor talked about equality. A marriage isn't about equality because to be equal means to be separate, to be separate individuals. Marriage is about oneness; its about unity. Completing each other to become one another. In order to achieve that oneness, both have to submit. Now that word alone comes with a negative connotation. Are women just supposed to live by some double standard? No, don't confuse this with subjugate. While submit is willingly, subjugate is by force, and that's where the double standard comes in.

Quite frankly, I think submission is a beautiful thing. Both the husband and wife sacrifice their own needs to serve each other. There is no struggle for equality as they become the same entity. There are no hierarchies. To submit is to sacrifice, and what better sacrifice than one for love? That's what God did for us. Sacrifice out of love. Submit out of love.

I was reading the COTN venture training manual and I came across this verse:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"

Philippians 2: 5-8

This verse really just reminded me of putting other's needs before my own whether it be the needs of the kids, my fellow interns, or the COTN staff. I need to make myself nothing (wow!) so that God can make me something. Through submission, we can be a united front, working as different parts to achieve oneness, to become one body of Christ. I really pray that we will all be able to submit, to be able to put our prides aside and remember that we are serving each other, serving God.

and so when the time came to say those words which would seal that promise...

Pastor: "repeat after me... 'I Kenny.....agree to honor, cherish, and love you, so long as I live'"

Groom:"I Kenny.... agree to honor, cherish, and love you so long as I live"

Pastor: "Do you?"

Groom: "Do you?....I mean, I do"

(audience cracks up)

and when it was the bride's turn, she, with a corrective air, said, "I do"

(audience chuckles)

I really hope they do, Best of luck Kathy and Kenny! :)

Love, Love, Love,

Angela

Meet me at the Gliderport

After my last

final today, I went to the gliderport. It's this cliff area above blacks beach that hang glide

rs and paragliders jump of from. Sitting there, I could take in the grand expanse of the ocean.

It seemed endless and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see where the ocean ended and the sky began. It's overwhelming, God's power. I love this port because it's a nice place to just get away, to think, to not think, to rest, to listen, to pray, to cry, to breathe. It's the place where I can talk to God without distraction.

These past few months have been quite spiritually challenging for me. I really feel as if God is truly shaping and preparing my heart for Africa. Ever since I became involved with The Rescue, a worldwide event put on by Invisible Children (invisiblechildren.com), I started feeling a constant yearning and hunger to pursue God. And it was from then, did

my spiritual journey truly take pace.

Every week, day,and sometimes even hour was, and still may be, a struggle for me as God has brought up so many painful memories from my past. All the hurt and suffering that I never properly recuperated from suddenly reappeared in my life once again. At first, I found myself blaming God. Asking him why I had to relive it all a

gain. I felt like I was pounding at his chest and asking "why me?". But the harder I pounded, the tighter He held me.

I was at the gliderport when I realized that I still have so much healing to do. Sometimes I find myself physically, emotionally, spiritually drained. But, God picks me up every time I stumble and fall. He has revealed His perfect love for me through my friends, my community. Every time I felt like drawing away from that community, He finds someway, someone, to pull me back. And though it may not seem so, the timing is just perfect. This is something I needed to sort through before I leave. I want to be able to give all of my heart to God by sharing His love with Malawi. And to do so, I need to first be filled with His perfect love. Because perfect love drives out fear (and there was definitely much fear and hurt in my heart), it makes sense that I'm dealing with all of this right now. Emptying out the bad, and pouring in the good. And though it may be painful at times, it hurts so good because of God. I can see my past as something beautiful; something I can grow from. I can see God in my pain, working through my pain, healing me from my pain, and bringing me closer to Him because of my pain.

That's why I love the gliderport. It's where I jump off and glide into His arms. It's the place where we meet.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Love, Love, Love,

Angela

9 Days 'Til Malawi!

This is my pet giraffe. His name is Carl :)

So, I started a different blog last night and I was pretty excited about it because I made it all pretty. Then I got an email last night saying we have a blog for all the COTN interns on blogspot, which I was super excited for, but also sad because I spent all this time editing html on my other blog. I could still use that one, but I just figured this one was more convenient. ANYWAYS..I need to stop rambling and being annoying.

Here is my post from yesterday:

Hello friends!

I’m supposed to be writing a paper and studying for my philosophy final tomorrow, but I can’t concentrate because I just keep thinking about Malawi! It’s feels so strange knowing that I’ll be boarding my plane in TEN DAYS. Whereas a couple months ago, I would be like, “oh yea, I’m going to Malawi”, now I’m like “OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO MALAWI?!”. It’s pretty surreal right now. I can’t wait until finals are over so I can fully prepare my heart for this trip! AHHH OK, I really need to get back to studying!

Love, Love, Love,

Angela!